The Infestation
by Glastea
Summary: Scott tries, in vain, to discover why there were bunnies let loose in the mansion...


**The Infestation**

**A/N:** I think there are only two words to describe this piece of writing- oh dear. This is what happens when I get a challenge from a very good friend- in fact, it's one of two, but never mind that- the other is entitled 'Never. Ever. Give Logan M'n'Ms', and is lurking around here somewhere. Logan is somewhat out of character- when read by my effective beta, she could imagine him acting that way, but I'll warn you anyway. Heh. Have fun!

**0-0-0-0-0**

"Right," Scott said decisively, "I am going to find out what happened here." He stood up, moved from behind his desk, and surveyed his suspects. One of these three had to have done it.

"Ya know; this is so totally whacked, Mr S. Why do you always, like, think it's us?" Jubilee asked casually.

"You've got that look on again, Mr Summers. You're expecting us to crack any second now," John supplied, not unduly concerned.

"One, I can surmise it was one of you, two of you working together or even all three of you plotting because it's always one of you, two of you in a pair or the lot of you when something goes wrong in the mansion. I expect you to crack any minute and tell me exactly what happened and who was part of it because, if you don't tell me, I'll ask the professor to give you all a punishment to do as I would then take it upon myself to blame all of you."

"And why would that make a difference, why?" Bobby inquired.

"I'd just make you do 5 pages on the cosine rule, and possibly throw in some 3-D Trigonometry for good measure." There was a sharp intake of breath from those in front of him. "Professor Xavier, on the other hand, would tell you he's very disappointed in you, which is inevitably worse. Then, he'd probably make you scrub every vehicle in the garage for a month." All three gulped at the prospect. "So, I want to hear who did it, not who didn't do it, or you're all going to end up in the brink. Let's see who here can show they're a responsible young adult, shall we?" He stared at them evenly for about thirty seconds, waiting for the inevitable to happen.

"Okay, okay; it was Pyro and I," Bobby said sheepishly, only to receive a glare from his counterpart. "We didn't ask Jubes for her part in it because we felt you'd suspect it was her straight away."

"Thank you, Mr Drake. Jubilee, you can go, I'm sorry for taking up your time." She smiled wickedly and ran from the room, leaving the two boys behind, standing in front of their bespectacled teacher.

"Right, guys, take a seat. I need to know what lengths of insanity made you decide to bring, of all things, a pair of rabbits into the mansion." The pair dragged seats from behind a table and sat down cautiously.

"Well," John said, reflecting on the past events, "It seemed a stroke of genius at the time- when we got the bunnies around a month or so ago…."

**0-0-0-0-0**

It was a bleak midwinter's Saturday afternoon in Westchester, but instead of sitting inside watching the mist settle, the younger inhabitants of the mansion had gone on a mall excursion. They were being carefully shadowed by Dr Grey and Ms Munroe, who although on a shopping spree themselves, had decided they'd better make sure that everyone was OK and no one got into any scuffles (which, with John there, they were likely to do- his habit for flicking his lighter on and off and infuriating others seemed to be never ending), but that didn't mean they didn't miss the pair getting lost in the crowds just to find their next practical joke.

"Well, I still don't see why we couldn't get Jubes to help- she's good at that kind of thing," Bobby said, annoyed. Having Jubilee on your side could never be a bad thing.

"You know Mr Summers always seems to know when she's done something. If we do this without her, then we won't get caught," John replied, searching down the line of shops to find the one he wanted.

" A fair point, I suppose, but what are we going to do? Our calling cards aren't exactly the least obvious in the place," Bobby thought aloud.

"We, my friend, are going to bring an infestation into the Institute. It'd look accidental- I mean; some of the younger kids have pets in the stables. It'd be perfectly OK to presume they got out, and then had a mating frenzy in the halls."

"You say this now," Bobby replied, although he was warming to the idea. "What small, defenceless furry animal are we choosing for the attack?"

"Why, the most obvious ones, Iceman. Which domestic pets do you think breed fastest? I believe we need to get hold of a pair of bunnies."

**0-0-0-0-0**

"You have got to be joking- that's where it came from? I was hoping for something better from you," Scott told the pair, who squirmed.

"Well, it was a good idea… kind of," John replied.

"You do realise that I happen to know every pet the Professor lets the students bring into the school? Worse excuse for a practical joke I have ever heard in my entire life," he said critically, watching the two boys in front of him get more and more embarrassed.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. Do you need anything else?"

"Yes, thank you very much. Explain to me exactly how you did it, not leaving anything out."

"Even the bit about Logan?" Booby asked guiltily.

"Especially the bit with Logan in it," Scott said determinedly.

**0-0-0-0-0**

Back at school with their new little friends (they'd been careful to make sure that they had one male, one female rabbit, in order to breed them and make everything easier to infest), they were trying to work out where they were going to stash their quarry.

"Well, if we put them together somewhere-"

"Thank you, Captain Obvious, to the rescue once again," St John sneered.

"Oh, shut up. We need to find a place where we can stash two bunnies, where they can mate and have space for all their offspring, so they can mate, and all that junk," Bobby finished. "Any ideas, Pyro?"

"What, apart from under my bed?" He said seriously.

"I am not having a load of rabbits in our bedroom, John." Bobby's tone was absolute. "Think of somewhere else."

"Uhh… what about one of the unused rooms downstairs? We find one really far away from everywhere else, and our bunny colony would be complete."

"Good point. A closet downstairs it is."

**0-0-0-0-0**

"You're going to have to clean up that room after this, by the way," Scott reminded them.

"Hey! I was halfway through!" John protested.

"Fine, fine, continue," he supplied exasperatedly.

**0-0-0-0-0**

"Well, how long to they take to…" Bobby asked cautiously- not normally one to squirm around the subject, but in this case, it was different.

"What, fuck? I dunno. I suppose we'll find out. Give it a month, and I reckon we'll have enough rabbits to infest the whole place so not even the Brotherhood could get them out!"

"Well, let's just go for Mr Summers and Logan first, before we head for any of the bigger fish, shall we?"

"Fine, fine. When they can't get rid of them though- then what are we going to do? Leave the mansion covered in bunnies?"

"We'll work on that one later. Meanwhile, let's check on them."

"It's only been a fortnight!"

"Big whoop. You never know what they'd been up to beforehand."

**0-0-0-0-0**

"And so, you let them loose on the mansion- what, the night before last?" Scott asked.

"Yep!" Bobby said, with a small amount of pride in his voice.

"Right, I think I've heard enough of this- I know where it's going from here. Come down to the Danger Room tomorrow morning and we'll get started on what you're going to do to make sure that neither of you even think of doing something like this again. Good night." Moodily, both boys slouched out the room (although Bobby's proximity to slouch out of a room wasn't too good), and Scott waited until he couldn't hear the footsteps anymore before finally breaking his poker face and cracking up laughing.

He remained there for three minutes, bent over his desk, propped up by one elbow, until he was completely laughed out and felt it would be better to emerge on society looking normal. Taking a sip of coffee to steady himself, he quickly left the room and crossed the hallway to the Professor's office, still gripping his coffee cup to keep a steady hold on a straight face- which he was worrying about losing.

"I believe you found out who were the culprits, Cyclops?" He asked pleasantly, looking up from the marking he was doing.

"Yes, Professor. For once, it wasn't Jubilee- St John and Bobby planned and executed this fiasco. I think we're going to be eating rabbit stew for quite some time."

"I feel it could have been quite amusing to watch- if only I hadn't been away… Do fill me in, Scott."

"If I must;" he replied, and Xavier wheeled around his desk so Scott could collapse in an armchair. "Right, Saturday morning…"

**0-0-0-0-0**

It was 5AM, Sunday morning, and Scott was awoken by something nibbling on his ear. At first, he ignored it, until he realised that it was a furry thing that was 'attacking' him, and, sitting up with a shout, stared in horror at the thing sitting on the mattress.

A white rabbit. Sitting in their bedroom, horribly early in the morning. Either someone had done something very stupid, or one of the younger children's pets had got out.

No, not a possibility of that. He'd made sure that their hutches were strong enough so you couldn't bite through it and they close magnetically after a fixed amount of time. Plus, no one kept white rabbits in the mansion. This stank of Jubilee.

Jean sitting up and rubbing the sleep out of her eyes, took a look at the clock. "Scott, we have an hour, at least, until we have to get up. Please, go back to sleep."

"Uh... if you were looking at what I am, you wouldn't be surprised that I'm not asleep," he replied, still staring in horror at the ball of fluff in front of him. Jean peered over his shoulder, and gaped.

"Oh."

Emerging out into the hallway, there were, at least, three small furry things with sticky up ears nibbling on the carpet.

"This cannot be accidental. Jean, please, go down to the kitchen and get me a sack. Preferably a large one. I think we're going to have to wage war on the mansion."

"It's perfectly plausible that it was a complete accident, you know," Jean placated.

"No one keeps this many white rabbits- in fact, no one keeps white rabbits. This really is stupid on their parts. If you don't mind, animal rights don't get a preference at the minute- Professor Xavier's coming back tomorrow, and I would rather get this sorted out before he returns." Jean sighed, and went to get a sack, as Scott retreated back into their room, grabbing his visor and using it to get rid of the intrusive creature in there. One down, he didn't know how many to go.

**0-0-0-0-0**

"Right, cutting a long story short, half of the things were pretty much got rid of until Logan got back onto the scene an hour later," Scott said, taking a sip of his coffee for reassurance. He hadn't exactly noticed it was cold.

"Logan? Surely he was willing to help?" Xavier asked, intrigued and slightly confused.

"Well, not really, Professor," he replied grimly, and continued to narrate.

**0-0-0-0-0**

Five thirty AM, and all the rabbits on the second floor had been eradicated. There were only about fifteen of them there, but they were hiding in awkward places and Scott had wanted to make sure that they were all gone before retreating downstairs. Throwing a last, limp fluffy thing into a Hessian sack, he was treated with a truly disturbing sight.

Logan, coming out of his bedroom (in his pyjama bottoms, but that was against the point), cooing over a small ball of fur.

"You have got to be joking… Logan, hold the rabbit out at arms length so I can stun it and get rid of it," Scott said exasperatedly.

"What! No! You can't go around killing them, Cyke, that's unfair! Animals have rights too, you know," he replied, clutching his bunny even closer to his chest. Scot was revolted to see that it was snuggling into his chest hair.

"Wolverine, this is no time for sentimentality. Give me the bunny. Now." Scott realised how stupid this had to sound- like the thing out of Con Air. "Of all the people, I wouldn't have thought that you would be an animal right's activist."

"I'm not. Normally. Just that little Bibble here seems to like me, and I like him. It's just one rabbit, Tightass, get over it."

Scott simply opened the sack he was holding for the other man to inspect.

"You- you… You piece of shit!" Logan exploded. "They have lives too!"

"They're stunned, Logan. Not dead. I'm not planning to get rabbit blood all over the carpet." Logan didn't reply, just stomped back into his room and slammed the door, as Scott rolled his eyes. Meanwhile, there was a shriek from Storm's room.

Bursting through the threshold, Ororo was cornered by three of the things, and was seemingly absolutely petrified. Scott went straight into action and stunned the bundles of fur pelts, picking them up and throwing them into his sack.

"Thank you, Scott. Do you need any help?" Storm said gratefully, getting up and apparently adjusting back into 'serene-weather-goddess' mode.

"Finally, someone else willing to assist," Scott muttered under his breath. "Get dressed, and we'll discuss a plan of action, Ro."

Hence, fifteen minutes later, the pair (each armed with a sack) were on the first floor, where they were flooded with the equivalent of a fur rug on top of the carpet. Although first hesitant, as soon as Cyclops began to blast them into unconsciousness, a volley of hailstones suddenly emerged and the quivering mass of bunnies all fell limp.

"Well, do you think any of them got into the rooms?" Scott asked her.

"I hope not. We will find out later though, when everyone wakes up," She replied. "I believe we should go down to the ground floor, and take an assessment of the damage.

However, getting to the stairs proved to be a problem. There were yet more furry creatures hopping around merrily, and by this point, Scott was getting frustrated.

"How many more are there?" He muttered to himself, whilst dropping another animal into his sack.

"Too many," Storm replied bleakly, as her eyes whited over and a flurry of hailstones bombarded the ranks. "Where are we going to put them all, Cyclops?"

"I was thinking along the lines of in a pit in the woods, but we'll work that out later. Meanwhile, let's get rid of them." The battle continued as they ploughed their way to the ground floor.

"Right, check all the rooms. If we split up, we'll get done quicker, and then we can return to sleeping or whatever we were doing before this catastrophe occurred," Scott told his companion, and made a beeline for his classroom. The garage would be fine, as he locked all the entrances at night, but that vigilance didn't extend towards most of the building.

True to form, it looked as if it had snowed in the room.

"Oh, screw this," he said to himself, and did a stun sweep. It wasn't as if the beam was strong enough to do anything too heinous to the furniture anyway.

However, when he came back out of that area, he discovered that Logan was doing his best to stop Storm in her tracks.

"They're living creatures too- they have no need to die! What will you think when we're eating rabbit pie for the next few months!"

"There's not enough flesh on them to make a decent rabbit pie, Wolverine. Now, if you're going to disrupt the operation, why don't you take your rabbit friend outside to the stables and put it in one of the hutches."

"And nothing will happen to her if I do, right?" He asked suspiciously, getting right into Scott's face (although this wasn't as intimidating as it could have been because of the bunny that was quivering in his arms.)

"No, nothing will happen to it if you put it in a hutch. It'll be safe, warm, and as long as you feed it and clean out its cage, there's no problem with you keeping it." Logan smiled incredibly disconcertingly and marched to the door.

"How long until it dies, do you think?" Scott asked his female companion.

"I do not know. A week, maybe? He may get bored of it before then," she replied. "We should finish here before he returns and recommences his vendetta."

"Good point."

**0-0-0-0-0**

"Wolverine?" Charles was almost laughing, but just about restraining himself. "I wouldn't have imagined it, Cyclops."

"Ask Ro- she'll tell you, Professor. He was going on about animal rights and telling us both we were heartless- it was hilarious. Who would have thought a rabbit could do that to him?" A smirk was creeping onto Scott's face.

"So, where are our furry friends now?" Xavier inquired.

"Well, they were already unconscious, possibly worse, so I felt the best thing to do was to bury them in the woods. The most humane way to handle the situation, if you get what I mean, and once I've finished with them, I don't think Bobby or St John will even consider playing a practical joke again."

"Well, considering, I think that you handled the situation very well, Scott. I'm afraid I can't leave my marking for any longer, so we'll have to continue this tomorrow," Xavier told him.

"Fair does. Good night, Professor." He exited the room and, halfway across the entrance room, Logan entered through the main doors. The sight of him just made him crack up, for some reason- next thing he knew, he was up against the room with a claw dangerously near his larynx.

"I swear, if you've done anything to her," he growled, and sped right back out the door again to check on Bibble, his newly christened pet rabbit.

The sight of Mr Summers, usually conserved maths teacher, slipping down onto the floor laughing brought students in from various rooms, as they watched the scene in amazement. Jean had to step in, pull him up and make him sit down, and even that didn't work, because as soon as he explained the situation to her, he cracked up laughing again, and she was giggling so hard that they both fell off the couch.

"Well, this could be used as a blackmail tool for years to come…" Jubilee muttered to herself, mentally noting the scenario.


End file.
